I was gently reminded this weekend that I have to be kinder to myself (thank you). So, in an effort to do that figure I get a little down and dirty in figuring out who exactly I am. I need to be able to look at who I was in the past and be proud of who I’m becoming now. Honestly, I take a look at my friends who at my age (or even younger) have their acts together. While I, on the other hand, at the prime age of 32 still likes to wander. And it really isn’t because I have no goals or objectives or I just don’t know what to do with myself, Just don’t know what to do with myself! (I really hope you got that White Stripes reference) It’s not an aimless wander, more of a wander of curiosity. I don’t think that makes me bad.
But, it still doesn’t answer the question on who exactly am I.
Well, for starters my first name is Priscilla. I don’t not like Priscilla even if it’s the name my mother used when I was a pain in her side – which, was most often. I was named after Priscilla Presley, which should, in a sense, make me feel honored*. And the actual meaning of Priscilla was to bestow long life to someone. But, growing up it always felt like someone thought I was prissy and prude. For the record, I am 100% not a prim and proper kind of girl.
But, literally no one calls me that. Everyone calls me Pearl. It has always been that way. For as long as I can remember it’s always been Pearl. And that, my friends, is where knowing exactly who I am starts.
Pearls are formed when an irritant works its way into an oyster, mussel, or clam. As a defense mechanism, a fluid is used to coat the irritant. Layer upon layer of this coating is deposited until a pearl is formed. Mussels must reach a mature age, which can take up to 3 years, and only then naturally receive an irritant. Once the irritant is in place, it can take up to another 3 years for the pearl to reach its full size.
(“How Pearls are Formed”, 2017)
You see, there is a reason I don’t fit the definition of Priscilla. I’d like to believe that God knew better, took one look at me and said, “No, this one here, she’s a fighter. She will be formed into something beautiful through all her afflictions.” Okay, maybe He didn’t really say that. But, I do know that through all of life’s twists and turns, through my ugliness, through my hurt and pain I have become more than just a tiny stony pebble.
Like the pearl that is created through years of layers, as am I created through years of layers. I too, am being molded into exactly who I am intended to be. Even when I’m not kind to myself. Even when I am. Even when I push myself so hard my body gives out. Or even when I take care of myself. I wander because it is in my heart to learn and be captivated by all the beauty God has given us. And as I continue to do so I will continue to grow, to learn to love others and myself, and to become all that God has intended me to be.
It is then I will transform myself from sand to gemstone. xoxo
March 15, 2017 at 5:48 pm
A most positive upbeat message. I’ve found since July (when I started blogging) that although I was unaware of making a difference as was part of my thought process, I unwittingly have. We may never know when who how or what we said that clicked but apparently, as I’ve been told, much to my surprise, I have touched people’s hearts and made a difference. You can imagine how humbling it was to hear that, even though I hadn’t expected that as an outcome from the ramblings that come from my mind…still, it has been the impetus to continue. Thank you for writing your blog, as now I’ve found you, I intend keeping you. 🙂
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March 15, 2017 at 9:15 pm
When I first started blogging I didn’t think I’d be able to touch any lives. It has since been wonderful to know that even if just a little of what I am writing makes a difference. That’s all that I’ve ever wanted.
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March 15, 2017 at 9:18 pm
I was startled when several contacted me and said I’d brightened a difficult day. I’m all about humour don’t you know! anyway, it encouraged me to continue. I’m really glad you have since although it may not have been said, it’s undoubtedly true that you have made a difference.
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March 15, 2017 at 9:20 pm
💗 thank you
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March 15, 2017 at 9:25 pm
I think of what you’ve written as “pearls of wisdom” for what it’s worth cause your writing is so beautiful eloquent and enjoyable. So thank you for sharing.
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March 15, 2017 at 9:30 pm
Pearls of wisdom. It’s definitely humbling to hear that. I just try my best to express the things I learn or am struggling with and finding a way through it. I assure you it’s nothing but my heart to the world.
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March 15, 2017 at 9:33 pm
That’s why they are pearls of wisdom. Some come naturally, others we’ve fought and struggled for and they contain a special glow… 🙂
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March 15, 2017 at 9:35 pm
Very true. Thank you. It’s been such a hard day and you’ve helped lighten my heart with your kind words.
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March 15, 2017 at 10:40 pm
Awe, that’s special and lifts my heart too oh look, its a two-fer wink wink
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March 15, 2017 at 11:17 pm
by the way, I don’t mean to be facetious, often times when something touches my heart, i say something that may be taken as glib, but it’s not meant that way. I mean it in a teasingly light hearted way.
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March 16, 2017 at 5:38 am
You are good. I took no offense!
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March 16, 2017 at 9:07 am
Phew. It would pain me if something I said was taken the wrong way because I’m such a jokster.
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March 15, 2017 at 9:20 pm
My sight is iffy at best so I can’t find a place to follow you… did I miss something on your blog? or…
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March 15, 2017 at 9:21 pm
You’ve already clicked the button ☺
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March 15, 2017 at 9:24 pm
oh good, I followed a couple others today and thought I’d missed yours haha jokes on me smirk smirk
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March 15, 2017 at 9:27 pm
Oh trust me it’s been that kind of day for me as well!
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