If you haven’t gathered the intel yet, I’m from Hawaii. When people find out that I’m from the islands the one question that they always ask is, “Why? Why did you move away?” Well, if you asked me six years ago you would have been given a farce on why I left. I wouldn’t have given you the truth if my life depended on it. I would have given you persiflage of reasons to mask the painful truth.
Fast-forward six years and if you asked me why I moved away I’d give you honesty. Six years ago I got tired of feeling like a disappointment. I got tired of the drama surrounding life. I got tired of everyone knowing every move I make. I basically got tired of being held accountable so Jeremy and I picked up and ran. Literally. As far away as we could, we ran. Well, that part isn’t true. We went to Boise, ID, which isn’t as far as we could have gone, it was more like as far as our comfort zone would allow.
Do I regret the move? No. I may have left for all the wrong reasons but six years ago my husband and I was forced to grow up. We were away from the shelter of our families and had to learn to stand on our own. Most of the experiences were fun. We got to do a wee bit of travel. We got to meet new people. We got to try new experiences that have shaped who we are. But, no matter what we were doing, where we are now, there is nothing like home. There is a large touch of aloha here in Vancouver which can often bring back nostalgia. Even if this Hawaiian girl is more mentally ha’ole then local, I miss home.
Blue skies, high tide. Summer time is on my mind. You know, it’s a place where I dream of. Good friends, good times. Memories are on my mind. I know, it’s the place that I always dream of.
A place where I used to be so far across the sea. You’re the island of my fantasy. You’re all there is to me. It’s with you I feel so right, through all my sleepless nights. I know I’m not alone cause Hawaii you’re my home. Home is a special place to me, in the middle of the sea. Home is where I long to be. Island beauty. Island fantasy. Home is a special place for me.
I have a love and a need for the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. In fact it’s my happy place. I once described to a friend how the beach calmed my anxiety:
Just imagine you are sitting on the beach with the sun beaming off of your skin. All you feel is warmth. Your toes are curled up in the sand and you can hear the crashing of the waves hitting the seashore and the rocks near you. It’s just you and the ocean. One of the most beautiful sounds out there is the sound of those waves hitting those rocks. As it crashes into the rocks you see each problem in your life get taken away. Wave by wave. Nothing else matters as you sit there listening to the sounds of the beach. The waves. The birds. The wind. You open your eyes to see the most majestic honu you’ve ever laid eyes on. His shell is huge and you know this sea turtle is quite old. As he looks at you you’re hit with the beauty of the world. You realize if this honu can weather the storms of his world – the changing weather, the large and small predators, and the humans that try to harm him – you can weather the storms of yours. That’s when you realize at that very moment it will be ok. It will be. You’re strong. No matter what happens, you can take what is thrown your way and make it. Because that’s who you are, a fighter, a gem amongst the sand. You’re home.
You can’t get that feeling here in Washington. You see, that is home; the majestic life of the islands. It has been a year since I have been home, which in reality isn’t that long. But, how I long for the islands. For the warmth of the sun as I listen to those waves. Oh, my Hawaii, how I miss you.