Today you embark on a new year, a new chapter, a new start. Today will become a stepping stone of what you’ve already accomplished in the last two. But, before I begin to motivate you into not giving up the path you are on, let me start by applauding you.
Girl. Look. At. You.
This time last year you weren’t necessarily looking for a celebration. This year, this you you’ll be bowling the night away with friends to celebrate year 35. Since 2014 the beginning of February has always been rough for you. With Jackson’s due date and the passing of your dad you talked yourself into not celebrating you. I’m glad that has changed. In case you need reminding: you could not have protected Jax. You are not at fault for the death of your dad. You did everything you could in both cases. The what if’s will only leave sadness.
This time last year you were embarking on mommy hood. And, lady, you killed it. You knew nothing. You asked a lot of questions. There were a lot of late nights. There were a lot of tears. You found certain circumstances to be frustrating. But, you made sure you never lacked in love for your boy. You prayed over him, you taught him, you were the mother he needed. Keep it up.
This time last year you were willing to stay employed in a company that provided security even if it wasn’t what you wanted. Even if you weren’t passionate about the job. You realized it wasn’t enough and a fire was sparked. Now, you’re embarking on a journey that is going to challenge you to be everything you aren’t comfortable in. You’re heading on that path head on.
That path brings me to what I want to leave you with.
Listen, you have a problem with thinking you are unworthy of any good that comes into your life. You’re so busy holding on to your own unworthiness that you make yourself disabled to enjoy freedom, happiness, joy and blessings.
You were never created to be depressed, anxious, condemned, guilty, ashamed and unworthy. Being depressed is a lie. Being anxious is a lie. Feeling condemned is a lie. Feeling ashamed is a lie. Being unworthy is a lie. It’s a lie because God’s word says differently. You, Pearl, are fearfully and wonderfully made.
One day you will believe that. Hopefully that day is today.
No matter what this year brings remember Pearl = Strong. You’ve had to stand when you wanted to fall. You’ve had to take a step when you wanted to stop. You’ve had to wake up when you wanted to sleep. You, dear girl, have the Strength to get through it all. And you’ve held on to that Strength. That is all you ever have to do. His grace is sufficient in your weakness.
Stop living in your past. Who you were is not who you are today. How you felt is not how you feel today. What your heart looked like is not how your heart looks today. God looked at you and said, “Pearl, I choose you.” And do you know what that means? That means all the darkness you held on to, all of the hurt, the pain, the suffering that you were sure you deserved He took that and said, “No more.” You’ve come a long way. Don’t look back now. Keep moving forward. Keep taking that baby step. Keep that conversation with God going. I swear to you, even in a dark hour, you will never feel lonely, you will never feel abandoned, you will always feel loved.
Keep your head up, lovely. As you carve the path that is set before you, as you allow yourself to be lead, as you fully (and I mean fully, none of this but God let me try to do it on my own crap) trust in Him, you will become the very person God has intended you to be. In Him all things hold together.
May today bring you joy and peace and snow. May you see today as it is, a new chance to become all that you were made to be. May you see the white blanket of snow as a reminder that God washed the scarlet from you. May you see and remember mistakes happen. Your journey will never go as you plan. But, no matter how many detours and side roads you make you remember to take each lesson to heart and live, love and laugh.