I can’t sleep. Again. I’ve been up since 1a and I know today will drag because of it. I don’t know if it is because of the anticipation of the holiday or my subconscious is trying to say something again. I decided to listen to the rain pour on my patio in hopes to calm me. Brought my blanket and tea out back and instead I wrote.

I guess even after all this time my brain still tries to compute things it should let go. I think that’s the hardest of all, letting go. I’m hoping this poem helps. I know the distance hasn’t. There are so many poems and letters written. So many I wonder why’s. Sorry friends, its another night of looking at my past and trying to understand the reasons things happen. Blame it on the lack of sleep. Or the constant hunger pangs in my stomach.

Night’s Aftermath

I sit with cup of tea in hand
Looking at the stars
I can see your face in them
Feeling every scar
The night is frosted cold
My breath I can see
Do you still look at the moon
And remember thee

My tea warms my hands
The clouds giving way
To the blackness of the sky
Minutes ending the day
Like this relationship
Developed between us
No bantered conversations
No worry words a must

The disinterest isn’t subtle
Separation felt to the core
Like the trees that sway tonight
It’s roots in the ground they bore
The temperature drops
Cooling my tea
Looking for the laughter
Of once you and me

The sound of the crickets
Lull me to slumber
As I rock in my chair
How are you I wonder
The passing of time
Has been our divide
Barely a light in the window
We’ve got secrets to hide

Yet truth has been stamped
In space with no doubt
Shooting across the sky
No time to come out
Instead like the stars
We hide behind our worlds
Galaxies between us
Planets around us swirl

My tea is now cold
Matching the early morning air
Listening to the quiet
Of you no longer there
I sit in the wee hours
Alone and yet not
Conceiving the enormity
Of all that we fought

Now strangers we’ll be
Crossing each other’s path
Pretending cordiality
After that night’s aftermath
The frost has developed
On the lash of my eyes
As the mist of my tears
Say it’s final goodbye

How many times will I have to say goodbye before it sticks? xoxo