Nearly a month ago my husband and I made 13 years of marriage. In this day and age that’s a lifetime. I promised him today that I wouldn’t get all mushy and gooey about how much I adore him online so I figure I go a different way. I want to actually talk about the languages of love.
I love being in love. It’s fun and challenging. It’s passionate and enduring. It’s flawed and flawless. It’s madness and feels like an earthquake. It’s a hurricane and a beautiful day at the beach. It’s kindness and addicting. It’s a can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of thing, (It Takes Two, movie). Love is about find[ing] someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, (Juno, movie). Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star, (EE Cummings). Love.
I spoke about my husband’s love language and never really talked about mine. Like him, my love language is also words of affirmation. Being a writer, obviously words mean a lot to me. It means even more when it is coming from my best friend, or even my siblings, or my mom. Heck, it also works when coming from my boss. The adage sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt is all lies. Words have a positive and negative impact in life, more so for one whose love language is Words of Affirmation.
Since today is Valentine’s Day here are short blurbs of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It has always been important for me to know the love language Jeremy speaks because we are so different. I honestly think it’s important we all know what our partner speaks. Sometimes we take for granted the love and relationship. I know I do. We have this expectation that they know. Sometimes life gets so busy that they need to be reminded. I don’t want him to ever feel like he isn’t loved by me and knowing how he receives love the best is pretty darn important.
And so, without further adieu…
- Gift Giving – This isn’t just about the “gift of love.” This is about tangible gifts. Some people feel loved when they are showered with gifts. Big, small. Store bought, home made. Expensive, non-expensive. I love just because presents. I feel incredibly loved when my husband comes home with a bouquet of wild flowers. Or when he comes home with a frosty and some fries for me. He showers me with things that he knows will show that he loves me. When someone speaks Gift Giving take the time to listen to them and shower them with that symbolic act of love.
- Quality Time – Everyone always says time is a precious commodity. Then, it is understandable that someone who speaks quality time craves for your undivided attention. And I don’t mean hanging out watching a movie. I mean spending actual bonding time together. No TV. No phones. Go out and have a romantic dinner, look each other in the eye and have an incredible conversation about the future, what you did that day or a funny story. As a quality timer, your partner only wants you.
- Words of Affirmation – It is all about words that build your partner up. Hebrews 10:24-35 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” What greater sight to see my husband encouraged as the man he is and continues to grow to be in God? When I use my words to boost his low self-esteem he holds himself differently. Don’t be afraid to express your love through words to the person who speaks words of affirmation. It is with the help of your loving words they grow.
- Acts of Service – Who doesn’t like it when their partner cleans the house for them? My favorite, when Jeremy empties the dishwasher. Yes, something so small, but because of my small stature and the place where our dishwasher is if I was to empty the dishwasher I would have to unload the dishes onto the counter, then put them away once the dishwasher door is closed. Double duty and I hate it. When you express yourself to your partner whose language is Acts of Service you seek to love them by doing something for them.
- Physical Touch – This one I don’t believe really needs a blurb. If your partner speaks physical touch, by all means be lovingly physical. Hold their hand. Cuddle with them. Give them a quick love tap on their bum. Or when they aren’t looking give them a peck on the cheek, or forehead (that one is one of my favorites). The best part of the physical touch love language is sexy time. Physical contact is so important in the growth of humans in general. For one who speaks this particular language, even more so.
After you figure out what love language your partner speaks, figure out what you speak. It goes both ways and the both of you understanding how each other loves will do wonders. Take this short quiz here and find out.
Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all. xoxo