June flew by a lot quicker than I had anticipated. One minute I was standing on the top of a 125-foot tower celebrating Memorial Day. Suddenly I have a sibling day in Snohomish shooting zombies during the Apocalypse. The next minute I’m heading to Cottage Grove, Oregon for a camping weekend with a bunch of friends to celebrate the 4th of July weekend. And in between all of that, God has pushed patience on me, something He has been trying to teach me since I became a Christian.

Patience. I laugh every time I think about learning patience. It’s not that I suck at it. Or that I think I’m unteachable when it comes to patience. It’s more that I plan most things in my life to keep organized. That Memorial Day trip, I had a list of food I wanted, places we were headed, the route created. My camping trip, I took the whole month to settle into it to ensure I’d be ready for every circumstance that came our way in the midst of dirt and trees. I plan so patience isn’t “needed.”

Patience. A smirk lifts from the corner of my mouth because I know I have it. I just choose when to be patient and when not to. A friend from church said I have amazing patience with my Rainbow kids. During the 2017 school year I got to teach 15 preschoolers who never made life boring but required that I have the patience to handle each personality. But then, you sit me down in a restaurant and you’ll see that I have no patience for delayed food. Or when I’m at a store and a group of people have taken upon themselves to take the entire aisle not caring if other consumers would like to get through. Ever heard of selective hearing? Well, me, selective patience.

At the end of May I was lucky enough to see Joyce Meyer at one of her conventions. As the worship service was going the song, It Is Well, really hit me.

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

As the song played I could hear, “Be still child.”

I’m a pain in the bum when it comes to being still. Instead of saying, “Yes, Lord.” I responded with, “Why, Lord?”

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see
And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

“Be still,” I heard again. And again I asked why. Why be still? By taking action I create change. By taking action things get done. By taking action it meant I was not being idle and I might possibly, just possibly, be able to ease the anxiousness brought on by all of the different variables in life I was waiting to have fall into place. While I received something during that service my heart was still heavy.

Through June the message was clear, be patient, keep my eyes on God and mountains will be moved. Here is where selective patience comes in. Like seriously, can’t it just happen when I need it to? Patience. Through the month of June It Is Well kept playing on my heart. Every time I turned on my radio within minutes that song would play.

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

I was promised two weeks for my licensing to be approved so we could begin the process of fostering to adopt. At a week and a half I was chomping at the bit. At two weeks I was having withdrawals. Where is he?, I’d ask my husband. Be patient, He’d tell me. Ugh! Doesn’t anyone know how much I want to be a mama!? Be still.

I got strep throat which laid me out for over a week. Stuck in bed. Stuck in a tiny apartment. Unable to eat. Drink. Sleep. Talk – that was the hard part because I love to talk. My husband would tell me to take the medicine and get some rest. I tried to clean and cook while stuck at home only to be relegated by my own admission to the sofa unable to do anything but watch tv. My determination to prove that I was fine. Be still, I heard again.

On June 12th I gave in and said, Ok, still it is. On June 13th my licensor called and told me he finalized our packet and his supervisor just needs to sign off.

On June 16th my licensor reached out again crumbling me saying, “Whoops, hold off we still have work to do.” On June 18th I finally said, Through it all, Your will be done, Lord. A great heaviness was removed even as we wait.

On June 19th I said, Ok, rest because I need to feel better. On June 20th after over two weeks I didn’t have a scratch or soreness in my throat.

On June 26th there was a lot of anxiety happening and I said, Ok, my eyes are on you. On June 28th God answered another prayer.

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
It is well, in me.

For the love of self, I learned patience. xoxo