When I worked at Ashley Furniture I used to take what I called a “Batman.” These batmans were essentially clarity breaks. I’d stand up from my desk, call batman, and walk away. My office understood that single word and eventually used it themselves. The store also knew when I called a batman that means stay away. I’ve taken enough batmans to know that often times I should have fallen on my knees begging for forgiveness for 99.9% of the things that went through my head from the time I got up off my chair until I walked out those store doors. It’s been ages since I’ve had to take one of those clarity breaks. And then today happened.
Today started off great. Woke up early enough to straighten my hair and make me my morning green smoothie. Baby also slept in so it was a quieter morning. I was able to successfully get him to daycare without a hitch. Then I tripped on the proverbial mountain. I wanted to throw my phone across the room. Or politely stab someone in the foot. Even got as far as wondering if the path I’m on is actually the path I need to be on.
I felt discouraged.
I was seriously running a thin line of pushing through or just giving up because the sheer exhaustion of this fight took its toll today.
I don’t give up easily. You can call it pure stubbornness, my competitive nature or just the fact that I’ve been through enough in life to know it isn’t worth quitting. So, I knew I wasn’t going to quit even if I wanted to. But, that didn’t change my heart from being heavy. I felt I was dangling at the end of my rope. Sometimes I find it’s a little easier to give into the negative and just be mad about the situation. Today, I went as far as telling my husband to essentially let me be mad because everything is stupid. He wasn’t telling me anything bad. I was just upset that this roller coaster of a ride has been so bumpy and I wanted to voice my “concerns.”
So often in life we want to do just that: spend time fuming because in that moment it feels better than just giving it to God. At least that’s my justification. And then someone told me to not give up because our emotions are most often not very reliable guides. Wow, ok friend, way to hit me in the jugular.
It’s the truth though isn’t it? Like it or not our emotions most often drive us to the decisions we make on a daily basis. And the decision to be upset because people are stupid (I kid you not I got so upset because people couldn’t follow through with their word which is an upset-able reason but come on Pearl!) made me feel so discouraged on this path. I’m not saying its bad to listen to your emotions. After all, your emotions are supposed to help you analyze the situation. But, your emotions also give you the flight or fight feels and I was one step away from flight.
Sometimes when flight is so heavy on our hearts we have to remember that courage isn’t always as loud as a roaring lion. Sometimes, sometimes it’s taking a batman, finding steady ground, remembering where your strength comes from or saying, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” Sometimes battling discouragement means letting things be, being less, kneeling instead of standing, allowing yourself to cry. Sometimes even the smallest victory is enough to get you through. And when you have to take the small victory, when you choose ice cream instead of a salad, when you walk instead of run at least you did something. At least you didn’t give up. And that’s all that matters.
When you start to question where you’re going or where you come from remember this, God promised He would lead the blind through paths they have not known. He promised to light up the darkness and straighten their paths. Most of all, He promised He’d never forsake them (Isaiah 42:26). And if you aren’t quite sure about that remember this: the greatest obstacle to growth and success is discouragement and anxiety. xoxo