When the year began there was excitement. I expected the year to be absolutely unforgettable. I pictured myself getting established in the HR field. I imagined myself to have fulfilled a bunch of my dreams. As the first half of the year came and went I felt no excitement. I felt the year was unforgettable in a totally different way. I fell through the frame of the HR field. And my dreams were as stagnant as the water caught in the reefs during low tide. 

I needed something, anything to make amends to myself. I had promised myself that this year would be the year the sky would truly be the limit for me and for my family. I needed to atone for the broken promises that became so normal in my life. And so, I did things differently in aspects of my life I could control. With my health I decided to drink tons of water versus the coffee and tea that became staples in my life. I took out most carbs and increased my intake on fruits and veggies. Then, instead of listening to music all day I threw earbuds in my ears and searched for audios and podcasts that would light a fire under me.

Y’all when I say I searched, I searched. I tried so many different podcasts. Christian based. Business based. Motivational based. Fitness based. It was nuts. Then I searched for reviews of audios that followed the same ideas. I NEEDED anything to get me out of the funk I felt I was in. Eventually I found a couple of podcasts that have kept me coming back. I found two amazing audibles that made me realize I, and only I, have the ability to pick myself up and keep pressing on.

This month, I made new promises. Promises to show more gratitude. Promises to go all in. Promises to get my butt up every single time I fell. Promises to build my network for motivation. Promises to work it and find a way to make it happen. This month I made the biggest promise I could ever make: I forgave myself for giving up and promised to not give up on myself again.

Listen y’all, when I heard this it resonated in me, suffering is a choice. Life had decided to swipe me a few times in the face, knocked the air out of me, forced me to my knees. Life had laughed at the misfortune and I used the woe is me emotions that came with all the stumbling to keep myself down. I looked for the next shoe to fall instead of getting back up. I choose to suffer. By choosing to suffer I also broke all the promises.

In September I chose different. I made a conscious decision to go all in. I was intentional in my actions, thoughts and feelings. Every year September opens up a season where life is shed to bring in the new. And so, in true September fashion I shed my negative mentality and began to ask, Why not me?

For the love of self I’ve learned that self-redemption means to forgive and push forward. xoxo