It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written but I’ve been feeling a stirring that I’m hoping I can get off my chest.
I’m an introvert. As an introvert when I begin to get discouraged or life seems to be throwing so many fast balls my way I isolate myself. I’ll carve up my calendar and make excuses with my friends on why I can’t make a commitment or hang out. I’ll be physically present for my family but not mentally, emotionally and spiritually present. I will bend backwards, climb the highest mountain, walk through the darkest room if it meant I could be alone.
I’m wrong. Dead. Wrong.
When my faith is getting shaky, when I can’t pull myself up the ladder, when I can’t climb over the mole hill isolation is the worst, absolute worst thing I can do.
Once the enemy has isolated us it is there that he can influence us.-Lysa TerKeurst
Listen y’all, he influences me pretty damn easily during those moments. I begin to get in my head, “Well, Pearl you have to be alone because you’re a grump.” Or, “No one wants someone who is moody hanging around.” When I’m with family, “You’re the worst mom and that’s why baby girl loves dad, not you.” Or, “You see your husband checking his text from his mom? He’d rather do that because you aren’t the wife you think you are.”
The enemy comes into my mind, instigating my thoughts, helping me stay discouraged and trying to get a stronghold on my faith. I begin to justify behaviors that I wouldn’t normally think is okay. My temper is short. I’m yelling. And crying. And vegging on a lot of sweets. I begin to listen to the lies. You know, the ones I always hear…
You aren’t good enough.
You aren’t going to succeed.
You can’t be the President of your chapter.
You have no faith.
God doesn’t love you.
You aren’t a good mother which is why she doesn’t love you.
You will and have ruined your marriage.
They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. I’ve had 34 years, y’all, to form my less than worthy self talking habit. 34. Years. And I’m feeling pretty darn discouraged about a few things in life right now. And I’m done.
I’m done feeling the pity.
I’m done feeling the guilt.
I’m done feeling unworthy.
I’m done feeling unloved.
I can talk days on end motivating y’all. Encouraging y’all. Being the baddest cheerleader on the face of the planet. But, let’s be real. If I can’t do that for me, if I can’t pump myself up, if I can’t confidently jump and hurdle and run around my mountains in faith then I’m just doing the motions for you. I’m a fake.
I believe that you can do anything you put your mind to. I believe that God can bless you when you walk in Him. I believe that doors swing wide open at the most opportune time – even if it isn’t the time you thought. And it’s time I listen to the hype I give you. It’s time I begin to faith build in my life and allow God to speak life into me. Allow God to break the chains that I’ve carefully maneuvered away from Him to break. Do I want to be the best version of myself so that I can help speak life into you? Damn straight I do.
So, here is my faith building. I’m gonna write these on my heart and somehow keep a tangible list with me at all times to remember…
You aren’t good enough. Ephesians 2:10 says that I have a purpose. God has already mastered a plan for my life before I was even conceived. Therefore, I am good enough.
You aren’t going to succeed. Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Hello! He has a plan! Therefore, I will succeed.
You can’t be the President of your chapter. Psalm 37:23-24 says I’m going to stumble. I’m going to trip. But, I will not fall rather God will catch me. No one said the call was going to be easy. If this is my purpose, God will make a way. Therefore, I can be the President of my chapter.
You have no faith. Luke 17:6 says I just need to have faith as small as a mustard seed. Have y’all seen a mustard seed? It’s legitimately the size of a pinhead. A PINHEAD, y’all. Therefore, I have the faith with simply praying Jesus.
God doesn’t love you. John 3:16 says something different. This is probably the first verse every kid remembers in the Bible. Jesus died on the cross because He loved me. Therefore, I am loved by God.
You aren’t a good mother which is why she doesn’t love you. Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child the way they should go, and they will not depart from it. God placed my little girl in my home for a reason. Even when she gives me those eyes of distaste, when she pushes me away, when I scold her for doing wrong I have to remember this is for a season. Therefore, I am a good mother as I continue to raise her up in God.
You will and have ruined your marriage. Matthew 19:5-6 says God put us together for a reason. My sweet husband and I adore each other, we pray together, we pray for each other. Past sins can’t take away that God knew that together Jeremy and I can conquer anything. Therefore, I am living in marital bliss as we keep our eyes on God.
These are my mantras. My reminders that I am worthy, I am enough, I am made for more than what the enemy says. And as I lean on these promises I encourage you, implore you to find your faith building mantras. What are the lies that you hear the devil speaking to you? I know this great book that will debunk those lies for you. xoxo
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