I tried to find a word that could sum up 2018.
Truth be told, finding a word to sum up the year is nearly impossible.
We entered this year with the hope of thriving, becoming successful with our jobs, finding who we are and growing to be the people God intends us to be. We entered the year with hope of a family, of new beginnings, of happy memories. We entered the year with the excitement of a new year. What we got this year was growth in ways we didn’t see coming and our lives put in a direction we didn’t know was on a map.
This year was a year of growth. I had to grow up a lot more with the welcoming of our first foster little. And in the beginning of December welcoming another 1 year old into our home. I can tell you this: parenthood is a whole different beast. I have been tried, rejuvenated, exhausted, overwhelmed, in tears (both good and bad) and resilient. Parenthood has taught me there in this world I’d rather be. It also has taught me there is a great need for foster support.
Then there was growth everywhere else. God took me out of my comfort zone too many times this year in order for me to understand exactly who I am. I shared a part of my story to women I never thought I’d share it with in hopes they saw that broken is how God makes us beautiful. I had to face some of my demons in order for me to grow and heal. I’ve also had to let things go, let people go in order for me to start living my best life.
Life was full of adventures in 2018. It has been an inconsistent, erratic, emotional, roller coaster of an adventure. Did you know that there is a North West West South direction? Ya, me neither. Until 2018 presented itself. The 2018 year challenged me to see how high I could go before I’d crash. I hate heights but I took the tail of 2018 and I flew. In 2018 I found myself standing in a horde of people to meet celebrities who I admire for their heart and philanthropic ways. I also met some amazing foster parents who have helped guide me on the never-ending roller coaster ride that is the Washington State Foster System.
The adventure didn’t stop there. It was in the wonderful foster parent community that I heard of Rachel Hollis. It was because of Rachel Hollis I learned of Susan Ramirez and subsequently National Angels. And as this new year comes I have a feeling this year’s adventures was just the tip of the iceberg of where God wants me.
Adventures of putting myself out there was never the plan. God knew I was a little stiff and stuffy so my comfort zone was shattered.
Before Jeremy and I really put God first, while we were just doing the motions, we wondered why we weren’t being blessed. I mean sure we were taken care of, He provided, but we were dumb and selfish and we wanted more. Why not this God? Or why not that? Or what about us? We really didn’t take the time to see all that God had for us. Thankfully in 2018 that was no longer the case. I can’t begin to even describe how blessed we’ve been. I mean, you need only look at my two kiddos and their enormous smiles, even after the trauma they’ve had in their short life, to see we are blessed. I don’t have enough time in the day to share how grateful we are for our lives. God has blessed us.
So many words to express our 2018 life. We’ve loved, we’ve lost, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. We’ve tripped, we’ve climbed, we’ve fought, we’ve won. I had carefully planned out all of my resolutions at this point last year. I don’t plan on a bunch of new year’s resolutions for 2019. Just one. As we enter into a new year I have but one goal: to be intentional in the person God wants me to be.
My vow to myself is to intentionally:
- trust God in every aspect of my life
- love myself as God loves me
- in my choices, remember if it’s not a hell yes it’s a no
- pray life over my husband and children
- be grateful for what I have and have not
I lived this year just praying I get through it. Lived this year wondering if the heartache, the discouragement, the unmistakable uncertainty would ever go away. Sure, at times I fell on my knees or asked others to fall on their knees with me. But, it wasn’t out of choice but sheer exhaustion because I didn’t know what else to do. Even though I battled, even though I fought God on things, even if I had questions, God has continued to touch our lives. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains. Merciful days imagine how things could have been if I intentionally looked to God on all things first instead of last?
No matter the word that could describe my 2018 I’m determined my 2019 will be defined by intentionally looking up.
For the love of self I have learned God isn’t done with me yet. xoxo
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