Cont;nue
F;ght
L;ve

If any of you aren’t familiar with Project Semicolon, this is a great cause. The movement began in 2013, when Amy Bleuel, the founder of the project, wanted to find a way to honor her dad who she lost to suicide. The semicolon symbol became something that so many individuals were able to relate to. Individuals who struggle with depression, addiction, anxiety, self-injury, suicide and fighting the will to continue on could relate to the cause.

The use of the semicolon in writing provides the author the ability to continue a sentence rather than ending it. Similarly, Project Semicolon represents someone who chooses to continue to fight and live versus ending their life.

I woke up the other day with a heavy heart and thought of Project Semicolon. And then I realized, I could completely relate. For today is a personally hard day for me. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but instead I am left with the memory of life. But, even through a difficult time I am choosing not to end my story.

My story continues through my anxiety. Anxiety hits me more often then I’d like. Especially in unknown places, new places, or when there is an overabundance of people and activity around me. When anxiety hits it isn’t easy to explain to people what is going on. I’ve had the luxury of having loved ones with me every time an anxiety would hit in public. Even then the feelings that are present during an attack are hard to overcome as it overwhelms me, discombobulates me, and gives me a feeling of defeat.

My story continues through my depression. The depression comes and goes. I know when “seasonal” depression will hit and can partner with people to help me through it. But, when an unplanned bout of depression happens all I feel is complete and utter darkness. I remember a point in time when it was because of this depression I sat with a knife in my hand ready to put an end to it. Thankfully, God had other plans and allowed an angel to intercede.

I’m telling you this because I want you to know that depression and anxiety doesn’t make one weak. I know you are exhausted. I know taking a deep breath hurts. I know you feel like you’re drowning. I know you feel alone and empty. But, I want you to know you aren’t. You are not weak. You are so much stronger than you think. I’m not saying this to blow smoke up your bum. Remember, I live and breath depression and anxiety. I know how you’re feeling. I know. I’m saying this because I want you to know this is not your end. 

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The semicolon means the author decided not to end their sentence. They could have. But they didn’t. Because there was so much more to say. You are your author. Your life is your sentence. You are sitting with a semicolon firmly in place where you thought it was your end. Now, the world is open for you. With a group of people rooting for you. You don’t have to be “cured.” You don’t have to be “normal.” You just have to be you, to take a step at a time.

My hand is out for you to hold if you just need that reinforcement. You, love, are allowed to cry. You’re allowed to scream. You’re allowed to feel like it’s one of the worst days of your life. But, don’t give up, continue your story my love. Cont;nue. F;ght. L;ve.

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For you my darling baby boy, oh how I miss you. It is because of you, the thought of seeing you, that allows me to be a survivor, a warrior. It is because of you I push on. Fly with angels my darling son. Sing with Papa. Laugh with Nana and Gramps. Always remember Mommy and Daddy loves you.