Last weekend I swallowed my pride and I apologized to someone who deserved my apology nearly one year ago. I was scared to death to apologize because I didn’t think it was going to go well. I thought, like the time I reached out in May, it would fall on deaf ears and mean nothing.
I had it on my heart to apologize for a while. I fought it telling myself that I did nothing wrong. I treated this person like I treated everyone else. I told myself that I understood the business and I held myself to the same standards as before, if not higher. I told myself it was all this person’s fault, it wasn’t me. Even if God laid it on my heart to apologize, I found ways to make excuses.
Then something happened. I don’t know how it happened. My eyes were opened about a different situation and I immediately knew that I was being stubborn and disobedient on the other issue. I knew deep down that this person, no matter what part they played, deserved my sincerest apology because then, and only then, would there begin a healing process. Not a healing process between this person and I, just a healing process in me.
So, I reached out. An hour passed and I didn’t hear anything. Three hours passed and still not a word. I became frustrated and then realized that the apology wasn’t for this person. It was for me. I apologized because I was wrong. I didn’t apologize in hopes I would receive an apology myself. No, I apologized because it was the right thing for me to do.
Two days later I received a response. Just by being obedient and having the faith that no matter what God was in control, I didn’t have to be obsessed about the circumstances. I didn’t have to be obsessed about whether I deserved a response or an apology. The weight that I was carrying for nearly a year was gone. And things became even clearer with the response.
After I received a response I realized that there was more amends that needed to be done. This weekend I think is the time for that. I realized that we are all humans and we all make mistakes. But, we choose the way it defines us. We choose the way to correct things. We choose the way we either move on or hold on.
I have come to realize that if I am wrong, I need to be able to man up and admit it. I need to be able to look the person I wronged in the eye and own up to what I did wrong. By doing that I learn from my mistakes, I earn trust and respect.
There are so many people out there that I have wronged. I am sorry. With all of my heart I am sorry for being rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, hateful, spiteful, with a bad attitude, and full of myself. With all of my heart I am sorry for being selfish, argumentative, deceptive and cold-hearted. With all of my heart I am sorry for being finicky, vengeful, stubborn and thoughtless. With all of my heart I am sorry for being the person God does not want me to be.
I don’t know who I am speaking to today. But, I hope you choose to forgive me for wronging you.
Take my lead, everyone deserves the chance to have a clean slate, to fix their mistakes. Take the time, ponder about life, think back on how you acted toward someone and make it right. Admit your mistake to them. Ask for forgiveness and how you can right the wrong. Then learn from it. I read once that maturity comes when you stop making excuses and you start making change.
It is never too late to make things right. Go ahead, make that change. xoxo
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