Dear Mr. Sun,
I almost didn’t go out to see you today. Almost. It was hard to go today only because change is not my forte. But, you see, sir, I miss the sunshine. I felt your rays beating on my skin this weekend. I have wondered what it’s like to feel the beauty of your peace all the time. I was scared to find out, but I’m so glad I am trying to.
I remember being your friend once. As I child I would hide from you challenging you to find me. You and my shadow would play tag with me as we sat upon the tar waiting for our class to be called back into the school. You would dance between the leaves as I try to climb its bark. I remember how you would dance across the lake as we had family days at Matthew’s Beach. You were always so bright. So cheery.
I remember when you went away. One minute I was riding in the back of the van heading home from summer school. The next minute I was in the shower with the world as black as night. My world has seen little of you since then. But, today, I made the conscious decision to find you again.
I almost missed the opportunity.
I’ve been told it never hurts to keep looking for sunshine. That I deserve your rays to hit my back. So, I’m making another concious decision. Today is just the first step of the journey, Mr. Sun. The journey to feel the waters splash on my feet, the sand between my toes, and you, warming my back and sparkling the brown in my hair.
I’m scared, Mr. Sun. I’m scared because this decision will be the biggest change in years. I have grown accustomed to the stars and the moon as my companions. I have grown acquainted with the coyotes creeping through the brush. I have become familiar with the sounds of the crickets serenading the earth. I have found a way to live in the darkness for many, many years. But, Mr. Sun, the dark isn’t fun anymore.
What is it that makes you you? What is it that makes you light the world? What is it that makes the people play in your heat, the flowers grow in your flares, the sky to become majestic at your setting? How do yu control the planets? How do you control the phasing of the moon? How do you still gleam through hurricanes, human carnage and delusion?
Don’t let me down, Mr. Sun. Take me to the lake and let me feel the water at my feet. Take me to the mountains and let me feel the wind blow through my hair. Take me to the city and let me watch the diamonds sparkle across the glass. Whatever you do, Mr. Sun, let me feel the happiness of you.