Lately I’ve been feeling that I have nothing to say. Well, nothing good to say. Or anything good to contribute. And then tonight happened.
It’s been mighty rough going back to work this week. It’s as if everything lay stagnant, unchanging, unmoving until I returned. Work is piling higher and higher causing me to become overwhelmed and stressed. The air is heavy as I try to feel my way through this tough, tough week. And then tonight happened.
Lately – well, usually – I feel that what I contribute to the world is of little difference. Who am I to say my writings help? Who am I to say my prayers work? Who am I to say my stretched out hand means something? Who am I to say my hard work helps stabalize a chaotic room? I have never been great at believing in myself. I often second guess my decisions and feel like I make wrong choices. And then tonight happened.
A few weeks ago I shared my decision that I would help teach for my church’s mPact. When I was first asked I was really hesitant. I prayed about it. Talked to people about it. Everyone was so encouraging but I had my doubts. Still, I said yes because I knew deep down I would regret it if I holed up and allowed the introvert in me to seize control. And so, at 615p today I jumped in my car, shaking like a crazy person, and took the seven minute drive to church and the unknown.
I’ve been feeling perplexed about so many things lately. But, tonight, after a mild anxiety attack, I put on my big girl panties and I did it. I shook off the frights, smiled at the kids, played along with their games, laughed at their goofiness. I learned their pledge alongside them, sat as they explained what types of cookies they were excited to eat, laughed as they ran after each other in duck-duck-goose. I didn’t give them any kind of eureka moment. I didn’t change their world. Or wow their minds. I didn’t teach them some kind of ground breaking study. Instead, I sat beside them learning their personalities. I talked with them learning how their minds work. I watched as they wrestled and piled on each other getting polka dot rugs. And that’s when I realized it.
I don’t have to change the world.
I don’t have to change an entire thought process.
I don’t have to change something in a big way.
Do I want to make a difference? Heck yes. And, even if it’s spending a few hours in a classroom with these crazy preschoolers – who by the way are adorable – I’m still contributing something positive. I get to teach them through song and art about God, themselves, the world. I get to help guide them to being awesome Rainbows, amazing helpers, loving and respectful children. And we know the world can use more of that.
Maybe I’m a part of mPact to not only teach them but for them to teach me. I watched tonight as their innocence shown. How kind and gentle their hearts are. I learned tonight that even little change helps. A little change here, a little change there, sooner or later something big and amazing happens. How much more exciting can that be?
Maybe together we can make a difference, one little heart at a time? xoxo