Today my husband and I stayed in bed watching Netflix and Hulu. It was a rainy day and I wasn’t feeling so hot. Since it was the last day of my weekend we rested. We got through the last season of Bones, the last season of Bones, caught up on Blindspot and started watching Designated Survivor.
Keifer Sutherland plays a man who is on the bottom of the totem pole that was suddenly thrown into Presidency because an act of terrorism. The first three episodes currently has the free world questioning whether or not he is fit to be President. He questions every move he makes trying to right America after the death of the elected President. Every turn he takes he questions himself as does the staff and citizens around him. Now, if I know Sutherland, I have never seen him play a character that allows anyone to dictate who he is. His characters are never characters that get bullied, abused, or wrong. I mean, look at Jack Bauer for crying out loud!
I’m taking his character ideas to heart.
About two weeks ago I was given a self-assessment by my boss. I’ve been giving self-assessments before but for some reason this one seems different. The other day I had a touchbase with her and I told her I was having difficulty on my self-assessment. I told her I was on my third draft and it still feels like she would hand it right back to me again.
We continued to talk about how I saw myself and how the company saw me. I told her I still see that I suck. She wanted me to understand that everyone, including herself, has strengths and opportunities for improvement. To think I only have weaknesses is, in a sense, arrogance. She said I needed to love myself and give myself a fair shot.
With the inspiration of Jack Bauer – or in this case Tom Kirkman – I sat down to write my assessment today.
What are my strengths? I’m an incredible team player. I rock at customer service. I’m OCD organized. I’m amazing at connecting with people outside of actual social requirements. I’m getting damn good at having a positive attitude.
My weaknesses? I have a hard time thinking outside the box. Yes, I’m still agreeing I think black and white. I suck at communicating verbally. I have a bad tendency to not accept help when offered. I still haven’t really found my voice.
I did it. I was able to list both sides, able to include examples, explain where my job performance has taken me this year, and list goals for the next fiscal year. It took me a good three hours to figure it out. But, I did. I sat down, took a breath and took the time to find growth.
I’m telling you all of this because sometimes our biggest critics are ourselves. We judge what we do, how we do it, why we do it. We fail because we don’t think we can succeed. If we aren’t careful we are going to join the throngs of people who are pounding the doubt into our heads. Why not just take a moment, sit back, and see what you have overcome. The hurt that you’ve dealt with, you overcame. The grief that broke your heart, you overcame. Everything that happened, happened. It allowed you to grow.
Now, see how amazing you are. The strength you had to endure the hardship. The lessons you learned from your mistakes. You wake up every morning and do you. Be proud of that. Be proud of the scars, the bruises, the dents because it is what makes you who you are. And, lovelies, accepting who you are, forgiving your missteps, loving yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself. You’re doing the best you can.
Let whatever you do today be enough. xoxo