I am a woman. A wife. A mother. A sister. A friend. But, what does all of that mean? Personally, for me it means nothing unless I know who I am on my own two feet. I could not be a wife unless I was confident I could be the woman who balances the intricate personality of my husband. I could not be a mother without loving deeply and without partiality those I love and take care of. I could not be a sister if I could not steadily hold my siblings hand walking them through the toughest times of their lives. I could not be a friend without being able to challenge my friend and myself to be the best version of ourselves. Most of all, I could not be a woman without being able to understand the specialness of who God has made me to be.
This may seem like an angry, feminist post. That isn’t my intent. But, something was said to me that really got under my skin and so, here I am wanting to let the world know that I am not defined as just a wife. That is one part of me. But, there are so many facets of my mind, my soul, my personality that make up who I am as a person.
We all know the continued argument of women being seen as inferior to men. While we have equality rights we still make less than men holding the same position of employment as we do. In 1975 the Sex Discrimination Act was created to ensure women applicants weren’t discriminated for a job. And yet, we hold fewer positions in leadership. We are still seen as put on this earth to cook, clean and take care of the family. Young women are blamed for teen pregnancy when it takes two (unless for the last 17 years I’ve been told incorrectly). Many people believe women are at fault for being raped because of their clothes, makeup, attitude. It continues as we are judged by being too aggressive, too stubborn, too independent. We receive flack for being larger, too thin, have our hair done a certain way, have our make up done this way, or our skirts are four inches above the knee instead of the “universally approved” three inches. Women are judged by taking the wrong kind of breath, purchasing the wrong kind of toothpaste, or cuddling with a dog.
Okay, I kid about the last sentence but, it’s damn near true.
This isn’t about how I am a woman and men are dumb because of the unfair way women are treated. This post is not to be moody and emotional and over sensitive. No. What I am merely saying is that women are still seen as child-rearers and servants to their husbands. That isn’t who I am. I’m not saying I am a disobedient wife. I will be the first to submit if I am causing division between my husband and I. But, at that same time I’m not a clean the house and make me dinner kind of gal. If you expect me to keep my bum home to tidy up the home and cook and bake for my husband you have gravely misunderstood the 21st century woman like me.
Here’s the thing, in 2004 my husband and I looked each other in the eyes and vowed before each other and God to be partners. We became husband and wife, we became one, we became partners, but he did not become my master and I his slave. We both work hard and at the end of the day the first one home starts dinner and begins to clean. When the other comes home it’s a partnership. Usually, I am the second one home so I roll up my sleeves and help him. Just because I have the female anatomy doesn’t mean he comes home and waits for dinner. Just because he has the male anatomy doesn’t mean he can’t help me cook or clean. We are partners for a reason.
I don’t want to be the wife that is put in a box and required to live a certain way, think a certain way, act a certain way. I don’t want to be the wife that is locked up and unable to laugh, to sing, to dance. I don’t want to be the wife that cannot form her own opinions or have her own voice. And I am not that wife. My husband respects what I provide in our relationship. My husband adores that I sing and dance with the dogs. He loves when I grab his hand as Olly Murs sings and dances around the house with him. My husband is proud when I walk into the house successfully throwing a Leadership Summit with dinner on the table waiting for me.
A year ago I wrote a series on being a strong woman. Now, I must admit I may have written the series for the wrong reasons but I will still stand behind what I said. Below you’ll find links to them. My husband allows me to be all of what that series says a woman should be: confidant, have goals and strives for them, have a voice, be a girl, be a protector but still sensitive and loving, be real and authentic. He understands that in order to be a wife I must first understand this person I am is a woman. A woman who must know her value and worth in God in order to be anything else.
I cannot and will not be a cookie cutter wife. I am so much more than that. I am a writer, a poet, a comedian. I am a teacher, a student, a rebel. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter. I am a sister, a friend, a partner. I am a cook, a baker, a food taster. I am an activist, a loyalist, a socks extremist. I am a reader, a singer, a dog dancer.
I am woman. xoxo
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