You know, every now and then I slip. Not like, whoops, it was a little too soapy in the shower and I almost lost my balance. No. I mean slip like I’m going down a hill unable to fully maneuver my way around the trips. I mean, slip like the cartoon character that steps on the banana peel and slides through everything in front of her. I mean slip like something cuts me down and I begin to listen to the lies of the enemy saying I’m not good enough. It’s been like that the last couple days. I’ve begun to wonder if I’m actually a Christian. Or if I’m a good person. Or even if I have a good heart. I begin to hear the lies of “You’ll never amount to anything.” Or, “God can never use you.” The slip that can often make it hard to take another breath.
Today, like I do every morning, I wrote a thought of the day on my board. It’s the saying I’ll take with me through the day to get through it. My silver lining of sorts. Today, I wrote: Spend less time tearing yourself apart, worrying if you are good enough. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. I fully believe that the more you believe in your own ability to succeed the more likely it is that you will. So, I wrote it down as a word of affirmation of sorts. Even if I reread it asking if it’s true. I wrote it down as if it is so my head and my heart can look at it and say it is.
This morning, as I opened my bible it fell open to the parable of the prodigal son. I’ve read this story so many times that I know it in my sleep. The son, wanting to seek independence and glory, asked for his inheritance and went off on his way. In a world not centered in God he lost his riches and succumbed to being a starving servant.
I can relate to this story. In 2008 my husband and I asked for our “inheritance” and hightailed it out of Hawaii in search for independence and freedom. It cost us our relationship with God, our happiness, nearly our marriage. Yes, we knew God, we loved Him, we would pray and attend church on occasion. But, let’s be honest here, we saw, felt, heard things “of God” that we wanted nothing of. And so, we waved goodbye.
Like the prodigal son though, we realized starving, being whipped and used by people, being hurt, having a broken heart, being alone wasn’t a way to live. He decided to go home, humble himself and ask to work as a servant for his father. Instead, his father staged a grand party for the return of his lost son.
This all got me thinking this morning. In 2016 I embarked on a journey that I sure as hell wasn’t ready for. I, like the prodigal son, returned home. I was beaten. I was battered. I was lost. God took my hand, raised me on my feet and welcomed me home. Since then, though I’ve teared myself down, He has reminded me that I am enough. That I am good enough. That through Him I have prospered and have been blessed. He reminded me that holding on to faith, on to His promises meant that I was made for more than the lies the devil would and has thrown at me. He reminded me that the death of His Son meant that even if I had to walk around my mountain for years, He has a purpose for my life. Through His love, mercy and grace I am somebody.
So today, where ever you are, who ever you are, what ever you may think I want to tell you this: in God you are enough. You don’t have to worry what people on your left and right say about you. You don’t have to fret about what the world thinks they see in you. You only need to hear what God says about you, what God sees in you. And when you take hold of those things, girl (or guy), you got this. You got the strength to take another step. You got the bravery to do something you’ve never done. You got the love to outshine the hate. You got the promise to dispel the doubt.
Today, I refuse to live as half of me because other people can’t handle all of me. Today, I remind myself that God has a purpose for me and wants to use me. Today, I remind myself that I am saved by grace. Today, I will look myself in the mirror and say to the hurting eyes just that: YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. xoxo