I talk highly about my mom and dad through my blogs. I didn’t really have the best relationship with either of them during most times in my life. Mostly because I was being that adolescent girl that only thought of herself instead of others. Sometimes I think I still do that. But, the truth is, no matter the relationship that we had my parents always knew how to fix it, to make me find a happy, to kiss the boo-boo away.
My mom has been my confidant for a long time. We may not talk every day. We may have had a rocky teenage years. We may be so much a like that it’s scary. But, she is my biggest cheerleader. It doesn’t matter what I choose – right or wrong – she will support me. And yes, if I’m wrong she will tell me, but she still supports me. When she rolls into town I can’t wait for her hug because it makes everything right, even if it is for that moment. She fixes it.
No matter what happened between my dad and me I always saw him as my dad. We both made mistakes but he was my dad. He was the man that helped me find my first love in basketball. He was the man that I was honored to have walk beside me the day I was married. He was the man I made certain I would see before I moved thousands of miles away. And to this day, he is the man that I try to honor because I don’t think I was able to make him proud of who I was. My dad always made me feel safe. I loved hearing him say “Hun girl, dad loves you.” It filled me with warmth. Like my mom, he always knew how to fix it.
Both my parents found a way to make me happy. Or helped me to find my happy. And that’s all I want. For me. For others. For this world. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when I tell someone just be happy, to find the silver lining of things and press on because I know I struggle with that. I know that happy doesn’t always mean things are perfect. But, it makes for a better life.
I think one of my favorite feelings is having belly laughter so hard with someone that you realize that life is so much better with them in your life. Those are the people who don’t have any idea of the amount of happiness, the amount of light they have brought into your life. Those are the best kinds of people. The people like my mom and dad that are just there to support you and fix it by just being there. That is the kind of person I want to be. I want to be someone who is just always there. Always lending a hand. Always trying to make someone smile. Always being a protector for someone who can’t protect themselves. Always supporting the dreams of everyone knowing that you can’t catch your dream unless you chase it. In order for me to do that I need to find my happy too.
Everyone deserves to be happy, whether they believe it or not. Sometimes I will admit I don’t believe I deserve it. I hear voices in my head agreeing. But here’s a thought, if you want to be truly happy, never run back to whatever broke you and took away that happiness. Do what makes your soul happy. No one is ever too old for fairy tales. Have yours. I’m looking for mine. I’m fixing it. Let’s fix it together.