I think a big part of growing up is saying goodbye.
This weekend I pondered a lot about letting things go, about coming to the understanding that sometimes things don’t work out and that’s okay. Sometimes, when you move on from something you’ve clung so hard to keep, you’re blessed with a new something. Or a renewed something.
I have had to learn that saying goodbye doesn’t always mean you are forgetting. In fact, all the experiences in my life that I have had to let go I don’t want to forget because had it not been for those circumstances I wouldn’t be the person I am today. All those circumstances, the happy and sad, the funny and scary, the hopeful and hopeless, the love and hate, the excited and angry, all of it was to take the unfinished parts of my life to refine it to the person I am destined to be.
Losing my dad was one of the hardest things in my life. Sure, I have lost loved ones along the way, but, the loss of my dad dropped me into something that was the hardest to climb out of. It felt like all of my aspirations – present and future – were massacred with a single failed heart. I was devastated. It has been almost 26 months from the day my dad took his last breath, and while not a day goes by that I don’t miss him, I realized if it wasn’t for my dad and wanting to honor his memory, I would not have had the faith to take a step toward those said dreams.
Healing from what happened in high school doesn’t mean that I didn’t go through it, that it didn’t happen. It doesn’t take away the fact that it was real. By taking the steps needed to heal from those circumstances I am able to complete one of the most important things on my bucket list: to write a book. It has also allowed me to understand the inner workings of “the system” that helped me choose to want to be a part of the human services field. Had those circumstances not happened I would not want to give everything I am to make a difference.
Walking away from a promise helped me to see who I am. I got to see how very important my relationship with my husband is. I got to see why he is truly my best friend. The man who no matter what understands the deepest darkest secrets and isn’t afraid to hold my hand while I ponder them. The good, the bad, the very ugly and he is still willing to hear it, to feel it, to hold it to help make me whole.
I guess what I’m trying to say is bad things happen to good people. The hardest thing is to take those bad things, understand that they happened and learn from it, to grow from it, to move on from it. I have had too many “bad” things happen in my life. I’m sure you all have. As I fall on my knees to pray for the strength to not forget but to let go, to not hurt but to heal, to not be angry but to love I also pray that whatever is hindering you from being an absolute dynamite, you let it go. Sometimes you hold on because you don’t want to forget. I know the feeling. But, my dear friends, know that sometimes we have to let go of what is killing us, even if it is killing us to let go, so we may be able to continue to grow stronger and to move forward. ~xoxo