I have this problem where I walk away from people in my life. It’s my way of saying I’m done giving everything to someone who doesn’t reciprocate (or at least try to reciprocate) how deeply I love. It isn’t that I’m stifling. I like my space. I like people to have their space. I guess I love so deeply that if you break my heart enough times arrivederci. No backward glances. If they hurt me enough times and there is nothing left, che è su di voi.
At that same time, no matter how many times they hurt me, no matter if I’ve chosen to cut them out, I still love them. I will wish them happiness. I will wish them laughter. I will wish them love. At the end of the day I will still pray that God keeps them safe, gives them the desires of their heart, and that they’re happy. I’m saying this because my heart has been heavy lately. I’ve had it on my heart to pray for those who’ve wronged me. Here’s the kicker, I really don’t want to. Not the praying part. The praying for the jerks in my life part. I wish no ill will to anyone but sometimes, just sometimes, because the hurt hasn’t completely healed I don’t want to.
I’ve decided that I pray for these people for one reason. I am thankful for them. Did they hurt me? Yes. Did they break my trust? Yes. Did they take advantage of me? Yes. Did they make promises they couldn’t keep? Yes. Did they errantly treat me unjustly? Yes. Did they cut me down with negativity? Yes. Did they leave scars on my heart? Yes. But, no matter what they have done to me one fact remains: I have learned from them. How can you not be thankful for growth?
No matter the bad blood, no matter friend or foe, no matter if you’re part of the pack or a lone wolf, the people who have graced you with their presence has taught you of beauty and grisliness. They have taught you how to love others and to love yourself. They have taught you to find your voice and know the difference between right and wrong. They have taught you to be a force when needed and to be meek and tender all the other times. They have taught you laughter and that it was okay to cry. They taught you the beauty of the sunrise and the sadness of the sunset.
I choose to pray for those who have wronged me because had it not been for them I wouldn’t have given of myself, I wouldn’t have loved fully, I wouldn’t have laughed heartily, I wouldn’t have forgiven freely. I choose to pray for those who have wronged me because as I gave of myself, they helped chisel the so very hard exterior of who I am. They are parts of or full chapters of my story that wouldn’t be complete without them in it.
So, my loves, all those people who have caused scars on your heart – take the time to thank them. You are a better person because of those scars. And because of your scars you get to live another day wiser than the last. xoxo