I don’t drink as much as I used to. I used to numb everything by easily downing two Black Opals. It was easier than facing anything that I didn’t want to face because I tend to like to avoid things. A single Black Opal allows warmth to radiate through my body. Nothing matters because everything is being pushed deeper and deeper into the abyss of my great ability to avert chaos.

I love me my Black Opals for that reason. Do you know what a Black Opal is? It is an amazing drink. You got your hards, your distilled spirits, and of course your sour mix. It is similar to a Long Island Ice Tea. The thing I like about Black Opals are the fact that they are pretty in color. Seemingly almost innocent and sweet, something simple. But the first sip packs a punch you aren’t expecting unless you’ve had it.But, the big thing with Black Opals are once you taste it and feel that punch for the first time, you never forget.  In a nutshell, that’s me. Everyone assumes I’m a sweet girl, an angel with a kind heart. Then you get to know me and I can become a handful. Sometimes I’m called weird. Or silly. Sometimes a blonde due to my clumsy and Pearl moment nature. You want to know what it means to pack a punch? Put it this way, I bite.

Lately I have wanted to feel the fire burn in me that is a Black Opal. The reminder that soon I won’t remember a thing because I’m way too intoxicated to give a damn is intriguing. That is how I felt about two hours ago. The need to just forget. A whirlwind of everything I’ve been struggling to forget just hit me. It was as if I ran into my own personal brick wall. I only wish it was an actual brick wall instead of a wall of insurmountable emotions that all at one time is too hard to handle.

You see, feeling of fire means I don’t feel. Like the opal – which is a gemstone, typically showing its beauty through semitransparentcy and radiates various colors – I get to stand in “beauty” showing the radiance of who I wish I could be. The fire makes me happy, giddy happy. It makes me not feel which means all the pain I have compacted in my heart means nothing. Reading a number with a decimal doesn’t affect me  because the fire ensures there are no feelings I can feel. I don’t remember versions of fairy tales like this that replay like the make believe that belongs to a child’s lifestyle.

I don’t know how I’m gonna fit in an inspirational hoorah in this. It appears it is a little dark for comfort. Maybe I’m just here today to tell you to kick off your boots and just be. You don’t need a vice like alcohol. Let go, let loose. Be the recluse you want to be in order to avoid but not avoid things. Be the joker you want to be to lighten the mood. Be whoever you are. I, unfortunately, only know how to loosen up when I have alcohol, don’t be like me. Live life, be happy, be free. Show your beauty, your worth, your smile and laughter. Don’t let something keep it hidden. -xoxo

For all those curious, here is the recipe for my favorite drink. Just stay safe.

1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz rum
1/2 oz triple sec
1/2 oz blackberry liqueur
1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 oz 7-Up® soda
1 1/2 oz sour mix