I was asked yesterday what made me want to help people. A plethora of reasons popped in my head and it was hard to explain. The running joke in my house was that I’ve chosen to give back to others, to change their life, to love them because of the profession of a friend, but I’d like to think I helped her in choosing that profession. Instead, the standard reason was given: my past makes me want to stop someone from living the way I did.
Okay, while that is a very good reason, a very humbling reason, about an hour ago it is probably the truest reason out there.
My past isn’t clean by any measure. It is filled with so much dirt; hate, anger, vulgarity, deceit, loneliness, feelings of loss. It also doesn’t mean there isn’t some sunshine in there: forgiveness, love, healing, blessings, laughter and growth. My past is truly the reason I want to help change the world. Why do I want to help people? Because, in my hour of need I had an angel show me the kindness of love by blessing me. She didn’t know what I needed. She knew that something was wrong – it’s perhaps her mother’s intuition. She knew that her friendly banter would break me enough to be comfortable sharing with her my roller coast feelings. Then she paused me and returned with a blessing.
In Hebrews 13:2 it says, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.” While she and I aren’t strangers by any means, I now firmly believe God sent her to be a part of my life, a guardian angel of sorts, to teach me of love – especially love for myself. My biggest fault is that I don’t love myself enough. I was told today that I give so much away that it is about time I get something in return. Humbling. I don’t ever ask for anything in return because while I’m not looking to see if those that I help are angels, I know that by helping them I am blessing them. Just like she blessed me today.
I don’t drop names often. Actually, I never do. But, I wanted to drop this. Yvette, you will probably never read this blog. But, I want you to know that every day I come into work blessed knowing that I have someone going to bat for me. Everyday I know that no matter what is on your schedule you would make time for me to let me just be me, even for a second. These last seven months you have slowly drilled the importance of loving myself. You gifted me with an amazing book that pushes that concept. You have gifted me with blessings that allow me to love myself. Today, during a touch base you knew, you just knew my need. God put you in my life to teach me self love. And I thank you. Not just for today’s gift. But, for every day showing me how to love myself. It is no secret how much I admire and respect you. I’m excited for the day when I can return the favor and touch your life as you have touched mine.