It goes to show that a heart will always want what a heart wants. As I stood at the bank of the river I was reminded of the calming presence it portrays. I was reminded of the soothing sounds it sings. I was reminded of how much I love sitting at the edge as I am engulfed by its open arms of security.
As I drew circles with my toes in the sand I also remembered the undertow in the river that engulfs all your fears and makes it become a reality. I remembered the cold feel of its icy waters like the heart of an ex lover. I remembered the dangers of loving something so strong and unpredictable. Something so tangible yet out of reach. I remembered that the surface of the river, while seeming complacent and peaceful is by far such, as under that layer is the war that encircles what it really is – dangerous to the heart.
As I traveled along the winding roads that hugged the river I watched the ripples and rapids of the beast that calls to me. I watched the welcoming landing spots asking travelers to sit next to its river for joy. But, little do they know the river changes you. It changes the very particles that make up who you are. A single icy touch makes you shiver at shear excitement, excited for the adventures, for the possibilities, for the longing to be filled.
As you wade deeper into its icy hold you are enraptured by the change and suddenly you are drowning. You can’t grip the rocks as the force of the current below has caught you off guard. You want to fight but the feeling feels right. You see a branch and you grab hold hoping to just catch a simple breath before going down again. But, the branch belongs to the river. It is loyal to all of its possibilities. So, to prove its loyalty it breaks under your grasp sending you into a tailspin of feelings. You want to drown yourself, to become one, just like the river’s surroundings. You want to give everything you have, all of your heart to the river, and suddenly you realize you can’t.
You climb out of its hold onto the sandy shore. You watch the water you were just encircled in continue on its way. You are cold to the bone just as it intended you to be. The river wanted you to be committed but it could not commit to you so it leaves you dripping in blood by the cuts the swim had caused. The tear in your clothes reminds you of the dangers of falling in love with a force that you are not accustomed to. The bruises on your cheek remind you that even love so pure and simple, so natural and animalistic, can be painful. Your missing footwear that was caught up underwater reminds you that loving something so deep will take a part of your heart and you will never be the same again.
And just like that a single tear falls. It will never be paired or accompanied by another tear because nothing, nothing will ever be whole again.