It is the end of my adventure. Boise was fun. Lots of writing was done and on top of that I got to spend it with some awesome friends. As my vacation winds down I am excited. Thrilled. Very animated to explain everything that is happening. I have tasted what it is like to be deprived of my dreams. I now have tasted what it is like to not be conformed to the box and be released from the judgement and fragility to fly.
I have applied for freelancing writing jobs. I have a writing coach. I spent time writing my novel last night. Everything feels right. All of this has become a reality because of this weekend. The doors are opening and I want to share it all with you.
But mostly I want to talk about why this is all happening.
I am not selfish by any measure. Often giving myself when there is absolutely nothing left in me to give. I sacrifice so much to ensure the happiness of others. I’m not complaining about it in the least. That is who I am. I give to others because I know it will bless them. It also fulfills my passion in helping others. All of this is great but I’ve realized that when I give more of myself than I have to give, when I am running on fumes, when I can’t say no, I am doing more bad than good for myself and everyone else.
Lately my family and friends have been on me to take time for myself. To stop giving so much and take care of me. To rest and relax and learn how to play. And I have been. I’m engaging in activities that I’ve forgotten I love. Especially my writing. I’ve begun to just write. To stop forcing things. To let it just flow. And following my pursuit of happiness in my writing has opened up doors I never dreamt was possible.
This weekend I took time away to be. To write. To find inspiration in a place that I always fall in love with every time I return. And I did. I dared to reach past the moon to achieve my dreams and look at where I am. Moving forward, not worried about looking in the rear view mirror because my past has finally been unshackled from my ankle.
I spent so much time in my life wanting to do this or that. Always had dreams and talked about what I would do if I could fulfill them. I had dream boards, dream lists, dream journals. Pictures. Words. Phrases. Anything that proved to me that my dreams were within reach. But, something always stopped me from reaching them.
Fear is a tail-wagging piece of crap. Just putting it out there.
Fear depletes you of hope. Fear depletes you of faith. Fear depletes you in believing in yourself. Fear depletes you in believing in others. Fear will hold your shoulders down as you try to awaken from a dream. Fear with hold your head underwater as you try to take a breath. Fear will stop you from doing the impossibly possible.
I spent too much time interlocked, folded to fit perfectly in the box I allowed others to put me in because of fear. I never complained. I felt accommodating them would allow adjustments to be made so we could all be happy. Rather the more I gave, the more they took, the more I was left depleted. When I stopped listening to the commentators and took a step out in faith and that’s when things started to happen.
My dreams began to spring to life because I reached out of the box. Opportunities have begun to rise because I cut out a door of my box. I am finding like minded individuals who understand the road I am on and cheer me on because I cut out of my box a window with a flower planter to spruce things up. I began to realize that I was killing my dreams, depriving myself of everything I’ve wanted because of this box.
Now, I may still have shelter but there is a freedom that has become present from opening the door and windows. I have allowed my dreams to air itself out and I’ve finally learned how to fly. Without clipped wings I am ready to soar. All because I’ve decided to allow myself to dream. Will you?
Dare to dream, my lovelies. And when you do just let it happen. xoxo