Every story has its chapters and today I start a new one. Today is day one of a much needed vacation.
I’ve never taken an actual vacation for me. There’s been a few times I’ve taken vacations to meet the demands of something or another. Like to say my peace. Or to say good bye. Or to prove something. There was always a hidden agenda that needed to be accomplished. But, the next two weeks I’m excited because it’s different.
Tomorrow my husband and I will take a five hour drive to Spokane. We will get to spend four days there without the dogs, without other family members, just us. The last time we did that? January 17, 2004. That was also the start of our honey moon. Twelve years is too long of a time to allow life to meddle.
And after the trip I can do whatever I possibly please. I may take a trip to central Oregon. Or to the coast. Or be content being a homebody. What I do know is I’m going to write to my heart’s content which I’m happy about. But, that’s not the new chapter I am talking about.
Last night my friend/sister asked me to teach beside some pretty amazing women. As soon as she asked a shiver ran down my spine. Half of me wanted to tell her yes because all I have ever wanted was to make a difference. The other half was too scared to say yes. And so I told her I’d pray about it. I knew that in the end I wanted to be a part of this amazing opportunity but I allowed fear to get the best of me.
I talked to multiple people about the opportunity. All of them had some amazing encouragement for me. But, that didn’t stop the doubts. Do I actually have something to offer these girls? I asked myself. I’m not the greatest Christian, I tried to convince myself. And who is going to fix it when I steer the girls the wrong way? I wondered. There was so many fears and doubts. So many reasons and excuses to say no.
So, here’s the thing. I’m not the greatest Christian. Sometimes I wonder how such a loving God could love such a devil like me. I’m not the conventional Christian. I know the teachings. I love God and want to live a life pleasing to Him. But, I neither belong in an old school church or the new age church. I don’t like to be controlled nor do I like to not be structured. I enjoy researching why the sky is blue and the grass is green. I’m not into the whole judging thing or being a loosey goosey. The most important thing about being a Christian to me is knowing that my heart is right with God and that I am being the best and truest version I can be for Him.
But, what good is that honestly going to do for these young girls?
I volunteered to be an MPact teacher. I get to “help them grow in their faith and discover the answers to the questions they face.” I realized by saying yes that I would help out for the school year I started yet another chapter in my ever growing story. A story that continues to evolve and take shape every single day. I once read a quote that said, “Every next level of your life will demand a different you.” Here I am, on the cusp of a new chapter, the next level, committing to jump out of my comfort zone no matter what is being demanded of me to help make a difference. And as shaky and nauseated as I am knowing that in two weeks time I will be standing in front of a group of people being introduced as a volunteer, I am so very glad I did it.
My book is becoming very interesting. xoxo