I’ve been sitting here these last few days trying to gain some footing. The world seems to have been swiped from me, like it often does when things feel so right. I followed my heart and my heart played a cruel, cruel trick on me. Stupid right?
The nights mesh into mornings with no sleep in sight. My anger like the waves of my islands, go in and out, in and out. I want to be angry at you Present, for the joy you’ve given and taken away. But, I can’t. I can’t because it was mutual. The happiness was agreed upon no matter the outcome. I can’t because it was what was needed, wanted, craved for. And now, now I listen to the silence waiting for the vibration of my heart.
Present, the clock slowly ticks away the seconds. Did you know a hummingbird’s heart beats at over a 1,000 times a minute? Like the way my heart rhythmically beats when I live in the moment. Did you know the Earth is struck by lightning over 100 times every second? Like the way my thoughts race through my mind struck in awe of you. Did you know according to the old English time system a moment is 1 and a half minutes? I need at least twenty thousand more moments with you, Present.
My heart was quiet, but it was never blind to the seconds we spent. The gift of time, existing in the here and now, the nonce of the world, the ever present moment. Today, Present, it’s what we should be living. The now. And yet, you begin to fade from my sight like the Past has so often done.
Present, some things fit together. Yin and Yang. Peanut butter and jelly. LeBron and DWade. Cream and coffee. Vanilla and chocolate. Cheese and macaroni. Oil and vinegar. Butter and Popcorn. You and I. And while our lives may not have fit together very long, oh, dear Present, how our souls loved to dance.
For a short while you were my Present. The thing I loved to wake up to. The joy that filled my sadness. The rock that made me steady. Instead, like the past you have become everything but that. The part of me that I look back on and wonder of all the what ifs. The what ifs that I will never know but the what ifs I will always think of because of the joy that the do knows brought. I watch you as you silently fade away, into the past of what once was. And I can’t help but feel remorseful for the could haves. The smiles shared, the laughters we divvied up. I hate the transition this is bringing, but I respect the wake.
I hope you know present, the moon will still be there. The sun will still circle the earth. And I will do both. You only need to tell me when.
With all of my love,