Depression sucks. I was determined during this 30 day blog blast to make it without falling. Without have to deal with darkness. I am days away from finishing this blog blast and I have found myself a few strings away of completely jiggling into the abyss.
I guess this is what happens when you try to figure things out by skirting issues instead of going head on with them. I wrote this poem in the early hours this morning after dream after dream of the possibilities.
-xoxo
I Can’t Help
I can’t help to think
How messed up am I
Watching the laughter
Of those all around
Between my heart and my body
I can’t catch a break
The world swirls around
Everything’s at stake
I can’t help but let it come
The depression I’ve feared
I’m tired of fighting
My head unable to clear
This is a stage
So I’ve been told
But it’ll ruin my work
As the darkness takes hold
I can’t help but wonder
If I had said no
From taking those shots
A second night in a row
A girl’s weekend getaway
No work and all fun
Wouldn’t be where I’m at
Wouldn’t be on the run
I can’t help but succumb
The fight is so hard
Losing my heart
And dropping my guard
God here I am
Work this heaviness from me
I can’t go back in darkness
Please set me free
I seriously hate writing about me. What do you tell people? The customary who I am, where I'm from? Those are all well and fine but gets kinda redundant, doesn't it?
If you want to know me, come read a long. I'm an open book - or at least try to be.
I try to write a little about everything. I should one day find my niche, one day. I figure, if I keep writing eventually it’ll come. Mostly I write to help inspire. This world can be a pretty damn scary place to live in. The hate crimes. The sexual violence. The bombings and shootings. I want to be able to shed some hope. Even just a sliver. Something to help someone take another step in their day. I started this blog in the hopes I could help change a dark and hatred filled world. I'm not exactly sure I'm actually doing it or not. But, I'm trying.
I also write to get the practice I need. Sometimes I’ll be sweet and awe inspiring. Other times I’ll show a bit of my true self with some dripping sarcasm and stupid humor. Then there are other times I just don’t make sense. Bear with me!
When you come across my page, please feel free to leave me comments - about anything. Open forum. Open door. Open, open, open. I like having discussions about feelings (ya right) and hearing opinions of others about what I write. And other times, it’s just nice to know that someone out there goes through some of the same things I do.
Thanks bunches in taking the time to stop on by! ~Pearls xoxo
From Sand to Gemstones 
Leave a Reply