Depression sucks. I was determined during this 30 day blog blast to make it without falling. Without have to deal with darkness. I am days away from finishing this blog blast and I have found myself a few strings away of completely jiggling into the abyss.

I guess this is what happens when you try to figure things out by skirting issues instead of going head on with them. I wrote this poem in the early hours this morning after dream after dream of the possibilities.


I Can’t Help

I can’t help to think
How messed up am I
Watching the laughter
Of those all around
Between my heart and my body
I can’t catch a break
The world swirls around
Everything’s at stake

I can’t help but let it come
The depression I’ve feared
I’m tired of fighting
My head unable to clear
This is a stage
So I’ve been told
But it’ll ruin my work
As the darkness takes hold

I can’t help but wonder
If I had said no
From taking those shots
A second night in a row
A girl’s weekend getaway
No work and all fun
Wouldn’t be where I’m at
Wouldn’t be on the run

I can’t help but succumb
The fight is so hard
Losing my heart
And dropping my guard
God here I am
Work this heaviness from me
I can’t go back in darkness
Please set me free