I did it. I actually did it. I told myself that no matter what I do I would accomplish this goal. I needed to figure things out and with 30 days of writing I was sure I would be able to do just that. I don’t know what is in store for me next. How often will I write? I know I definitely don’t want to go on a 2 year hiatus. Writing has been good. I want to at least write a few times a week. I like to talk so I don’t think that will be an issue, right?
I don’t know if I helped much people in the last month writing these blogs. It appears my 30 day blog blast was more for me then anything else since it contained a lot of venting. I have always loved to write. I wish I was better at it. I wish I could be witty and entertaining about what I write about but often times whatever I feel is what you get. A no holds bar into the mind of a very complicated person.
This month I have opened myself up in ways that I have never done before. I have shared secrets and sort of shared secrets about my life that very few people know. I have poured my heart out in regards to bodies of water, my dogs and other animals, the lost of loved ones, the inability to fix stupid, and even finding ways in my messed up head to find a way to encourage those who needed the encouragement. I wish I did that more than anything else, sorry peeps. I tried. I hope that sharing so many personal things in my life allows whoever is reading this to be able to know and understand that there are others out there. Like you. Like me. Like us. Be encouraged today.
In either case, writing is releasing. It always has been for me. Obviously I have a lot of pain that I have to deal with. Maybe a lot of anger? I know there’s regret. I wish I could bring people back to me so I can tell them I love them. I wish I could have let some things go sooner. I wish I was honest with myself earlier. But, none of that is neither here nor there because no matter what has happened in the last month, or in the last two years, I have learned a lot about what I am made of, what makes me truly tick, what makes me happy. I have found myself and am slowly accepting who I am. And that is what matters.
I’ve shared many times during the last month about how I just want to make a difference in this world. I don’t know if I can make much of a difference. I have no means to do it. But, I have the heart. I don’t know if that is even enough. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I just know that is what I want to do. I so desperately want to create my nonprofit because I know that is what will be the game changer in my life. I know that is what I truly want. I know that helping those kids, kids who otherwise don’t have anything else or anyone else, will be the difference. I can help create my own faith in humanity. I can show people that there is still good in the world. I can be different. I vow that in the next year I will accomplish the ability to be the different.
On my final day all I wonder is, in one year from today, how would you like to be different?