That saying “You never know what you have until it’s gone,” is true. You can sit in the living room, looking out the window wondering where time has gone. You can be sitting on the banks of the river wondering how that one thing in your life made all the difference in the world. Only to regret what once was. Regret is such a tricky thing. Especially when what you regret you never really appreciated or understood what was.
Tonight I sit here trying to imagine the what ifs as I wait for my evening to be done. I can’t help it. I’ve always wondered about the what could have beens. Sometimes I even play on how circumstances could have been with things in my brain. My own personal daydreaming playground. If I had said yes on this job offer. Or if I had moved here during this time. Or if I had crossed the street on that day. Ok, maybe not that but you get the gist.
When you lose something in life sometimes it’s just hard to understand why you lost it. Sometimes you’ll hear a song that reminds you of the lost. Sometimes you’ll see some child playing in the playground and wonder what could have happened. Sometimes you’ll see a black lab cross your path and smile at that one time. Sometimes you’ll hear the water baxters harping away and you smile at the thought of the laughter you may have once shared.
Your brain loves to dredge up memory lane. Or at least mine does. The once happy thoughts that were gone sooner than you expected. The sad insights that you thought you couldn’t make it through. The easy times when everything fell into place. The hard circumstances that you thought would finally make you crumble. All of that to remind you of what you once had – or in my case didn’t have. Nostalgia 101.
All this thinking has made me realize things. Like, sometimes you don’t get closure you just move on. And that isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes you really can’t get closure because getting closure requires another heart break or another bad choice or another misfortune. Sometimes closure makes you fall into the same bad habit, or cause you to make another mistake, or cause you to enter into a state of despondency. I don’t know about you but I don’t have time for any of that. All I want to do is move on.
Some may think not having closure is wrong and that you’re running because you refuse to face said closure. So, here’s the thing, I really don’t care if you think I’m facing it or running. What matters is getting through it with my mind, my heart, and my soul in tack. And that’s what I plan to do.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes good things have to end for better things to come together. Sometimes we have to move on, let go, find closure to realize what we had. Or, or sometimes we have to do all of that to find what makes our soul happy. In either case, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone – and sometimes that’s good.
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