I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase of “loving deeply.” I’ve used it on many occasions on my blog to describe who I am. Loving deep makes you loyal to a fault. I believe in loyalty above everything. It’s all or nothing with me. We love deeply, feel deeply, act deeply and think deeply about life. Loving deeply can be both a blessing and a curse. People like me are usually sensitive about who we are and how people see us.
I’m saying all of this because these last few weeks I have been challenged. I have questioned my passion in what I do. I often contemplate the people in my life, whether we talk everyday or not. I understand who motivates me and keeps it real with me. I know who talks behind my back and smiles fakingly in my face. I know who is trustworthy and who I need to keep at an arm distance away. And I am continuously learning of the real people in my life who encourage me or just degrade me.
Tonight I had dinner with a friend I haven’t seen in years. The last dinner I had with her was at a Chinese restaurant in downtown Boise saying goodbye almost four years ago. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until tonight. We talked about everything. Topics were light hearted, serious, funny, deep. Nothing was off limits. What really shocked me was what she said about how I viewed myself compared to how she viewed me. I don’t think so highly of myself because I never had reason to. You see, I have been all about the whole self degrading thing. Like others, she told me that I don’t give myself enough credit for who I am and what I do. She explained that while working together she was amazed about how I handled things and how I held myself. She modeled her career in that company based off of how and who I was. She declared me to be professional, honorable and dignified always holding myself to high standards. The only issue was that I never saw that for myself.
I have always had issues seeing any good in myself. Tonight I am here to tell you that self-degradation is not showing that you are modest. Rather it only serves to weaken your spirit. Stop. It. It took everything in me to not cry when she was talking about how she saw me and how she looked up to me. It took everything in me to believe what she was saying. I had failed to realize that no matter how I feel I do make a difference in this world. All I have ever wanted to do in this life I learned first hand tonight that I was already doing it.
So, here I am wanting to tell you that whatever you do don’t give up on yourself. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. So far you have survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great. Continue to take that extra step, that extra breath because you are truly amazing. You are awesome. You are beautiful both inside and out. I know I have to believe it for myself. So do you. Let’s make a pact? If I believe it can you?