Lately I’ve been sitting back trying to make sense of the world. Mostly the last few months. The third month of a brand new year is about to end and it appears this year will be a lot more colorful then last. This year has already ushered in renewal, forgiveness, laughter, fear, lots and lots of drama, learning, letting go, loss, moving on, healing, love. The main stay lesson in everything that has happened in this past year? Learning how to love yourself through it all.
This morning I sat down reflecting a lot about the last year. Reflecting about the ties I have broken. Reflecting about how much I have grown and understand who I am and what I want. Reflecting on the start (or restart) of something beautiful. Then a song came on that tied all of my emotions together and made it all make sense. No matter how delirious I am, no matter how much I am reeling from the pain of the last year I am healing. And that, that is all that matters. Taking the time to take a step back, away from everything that is spinning out of control, and loving yourself enough to heal. Not to heal for someone else, but for yourself.
I started my healing with the ocean. As usual. I can’t seem to ever get a way from the ocean, but then I wouldn’t be me if I did. The ocean has always been my home. No matter how far I stray from home there is always something that brings me back. Not by force, but by pure, instinctive, gravitational stimuli. In the arms of the ocean I feel wonderful, whole, alive. Though the ocean and I straddle and mimic each other cautiously I know it is real, never giving up on me and I on it. I know I am far better off sitting on the sandy shores of the Pacific then on the Columbia. I remember a time when I preferred the calming ripples of smaller bodies of water, like rivers, because they were beautiful, enchanting, charming, and new. But, rivers could never heal my heart and the baggage it comes with. The ocean, however, the crashing waves of the ocean entice me to sleep each night and I drift off to Neverland with the rarity of pirates to hinder my sleep.
When I chose to bask in the sun near the ocean, listening to the waves crash onto the shore and nearby rocks, when I allowed the ocean to engulf me with it’s love, when I listened to the music it made I realized healing may take some time but I am better near the ocean. So, today, I know that loving myself may not be easy. It comes with great difficulty. But, I know that even if healing will take time, the ocean will learn to trust me and I will learn to love its depth, and together, belonging to each other, we learn to love ourselves. Love everything that we are, apart and together.
And that is where it is. Learning to love yourself, friends, is about rising from your misery. Rising from the naysayers. Rising from the negativity and knowing you deserve better you sail out into the ocean to conquer new lands, meet new and amazing acquaintances, and bask in the beauty of the stars at night as you remember the lessons learned and how they shaped you to be incredible. You get to see how skipping rocks near the river allowed you to be powerful and strong because through that difficulty you found the strength to take the first step to accept the fact that it’s time to move on and love the new you.
It is time to be happy again. Don’t be afraid of your shadows. There is no use for them. Forget what is gone. It is time you love yourself again too and look to your horizon and be excited for what the ocean sweeps you toward. xoxo