I spent the weekend in Cannon Beach with some amazing ladies. A three day retreat to bond, grow, and conceptualize the women we are in God. It was an amazing three days where it helped me realize a few things.
- I know more about myself then I thought.
- I am worthy to be loved and should command such love.
- I spent two years feeling guilty and I am worthy of forgiveness.
How did I become fortunate enough to be a part of a Women’s Conference like this? We had multiple speakers who brought experiences with them that I could relate to. It has been such a long time that I have felt this close to God, around women of faith who aren’t busy judging me for my past, or my tattoos, or the fact that I don’t talk to people much unless they talk to me.
The retreat’s main focus was on miracles. I wasn’t looking for a miracle. Quite frankly I didn’t think I deserved one. I was just a part of this retreat to get away from life. Get away from the hustle and bustle. To get away and be able to think, to be, to breathe. Instead, I was engulfed with the easy flow of the life of these women. There was something different about being around these women. Something comforting. Something real. I am not entirely sure how to explain it other than in an instant I would do it again.
Being at the retreat was needed. God knew that I needed to be rejuvenated before the week ahead.
Two days into this week and the struggle has been real. Loss after loss, devastation after devastation, frustration after frustration. A roadblock seems to be placed in every direction I want to go. Potholes, construction, accidents. I broke down with my boss today because it just seems like the cards I have been dealt are a little tougher than the cards of others. I know, it sounds like a woe is me but I promise you that isn’t my intent.
Here’s the thing, life will always throw a lot of lemons at you. But, God has always promised that He would not give you more than you can handle. Now, I’ll be honest with you and tell you I think God has a funny sense of humor or more faith in me than I do because I swear what He has given me is way more than any human can handle. I guess that is the whole point isn’t it? To be able to lean on Him when the going gets tough?
I don’t know where I’m going with this. On my way to see my mom and stepdad I had the perfect blog to post. But, driving doesn’t necessarily allow me to jot down my thoughts. I just know that this weekend, with those women, I was able to return to basics, fall on my knees, and thank God for the life I have. Even if it isn’t easy, I am blessed in my trials because I am fortunate enough to make it through. I guess the entirety of the weekend has helped me to find my happy. To allow me to smile again during a tough road ahead. Bonfires with marshmallows. Walks on the beach. Watching the sunset. Singing amazing hymns. Laughing until our sides hurt. Coming into agreement in our requests. Thanking God for giving us another day. The list can go on and on.
After today, the only thing I know to do in my trials is stand. I am not strong enough to do anything else. To stand in His presence to calm my nerves. To stand in His grace to become a victor. To stand in His forgiveness to be made free. To stand in His love to love myself. This weekend has strengthened me to overcome the last two days, to strengthen my family to overcome these last two days. This weekend allowed me to see myself in my trials as one of God’s unforgottens. That in itself is my miracle.