I am not a mother to a breathing child. I do not know what it’s likes to be a mother to my own child.
But, here’s the thing. I love like a mother. I think like a mother. I speak like a mother. I hold like a mother. I cry like a mother. I teach like a mother. I support like a mother. And while I do not have a child I have angel babies who have made me a mother. I have a classroom of children who look up to me to guide them to be better people. I am the mama of two fur babies who cherish me and I them. I have nieces and nephews who I adore and take care of. All of this does not equal to birthing three kids, to having a daughter, but, I will guarantee you it doesn’t make me less of a mother.
Someone told me that they don’t “need directions from someone who has no children [on] how to conduct [themselves] as a mom.” Look, first of all, there was no direction given to you. However, here is some now. I understand the need to be my own person. I understand the need to have privacy. Heck, my husband and I are private people so believe me, I understand. But, just because I don’t have children does not mean I don’t understand right from wrong in regards to parenting. That does not mean I don’t know what it takes to be a mother, a parent.
A child needs love, direction, discipline. A child needs routine, safety, comfort. A child needs hugs, kisses, and laughter. A child needs praise, smiles and a chance to be listened to. A child needs to learn, to be taken care of, to be rewarded. A child needs stability, emotional support, structure, a role model. A child will not get those from only their biological mom or dad.
I have learned this year that I am not afraid or ashamed of my journey. I have an infertility problem. I long for a child of my own. And if you want to knock me down because I am not a mother of a breathing child, then come at me. I am stronger than you think I am. I am stronger than the words that come out of your mouth. You may have hurt me, you may cut my heart, you may cause tears to uncontrollably fall down my face. But, you cannot keep me down.
Ya, I’m broken. Ya, I’ve been defeated. Ya, I’ve felt so much pain that I don’t know how I’m even standing. You may think you are brilliant, that you are a “big dog,” that you are smart. No. You are manipulative, conniving, and a cruel soul. You can say what you say. You can try to tear me down. But, God is my comforter. God is my refuge. God is my strength. You cannot break me because God doesn’t give me more than I can handle. And when I feel that I’m gonna break I need only to lean on Him for healing. I am not weak, I’m just finally using the right strength.
I wish I knew what it is that I did wrong. On second thought, I wish you knew how much better of a person you can be. I’m sorry for you. I pray with urgency that God softens your heart. Until then, my heart will understand.
With all of my love. xoxo