I don’t claim to be the best spouse. I have my good days and bad days. What I do know is, no matter what has happened in the past, my future is not a future without my husband. I would fight to the death to ensure my marriage is strong in God and love.
I watched a couple today looking downright disconsolate with each other. Wedding rings on their hands. The wife was a step behind the husband looking dejected. The husband a step ahead looking annoyed. My heart aches for them because while I may not have known the circumstances for their facial expressions I felt the pain.
The other day I parked and walked into Fred Meyer. I passed a van which had its side door slid open. A boy maybe three years old sat in his seat, strapped looking exasperated as his parents argued in front of him in the parking lot.
I don’t want to be the woman walking behind her husband in absolute disgust. I don’t want to be the parents arguing in front of my child. I want my home to be full with love and trust. I want it to be a God centered home where when the world around me is filled with darkness I feel safe and warm.
For better or worse. For rich or for poor. For sickness and in health. Your vows were said before your partner, in front of witnesses, to God that no matter what came your way you were a team. The old adage of “there’s no I in team” holds true here. And yet, more and more marriages are ending in divorce.
No marriage is perfect. I know mine isn’t. It can’t be because there are two imperfect people in it. Last time I checked, two imperfect people does not equal a perfect marriage. What I do know in my marriage though is together we can out last any storm that hits. How do I know that? Because I’m standing after some pretty major storms with my best friend beside me.
Look, I get it. Sometimes your spouse will do something that is downright foolish. It’ll seem like they stopped listening. Other things to them are more important than you. They don’t believe in your dreams. They don’t hold conversations with you. They don’t hold your hand or kiss you anymore. But, in all of that all I see is “you, you, you.” A marriage should be about the whole not just a part.
Here are the little secrets that have worked for me. Don’t ever stop dating each other. Instead of “you make me feel like this” say “I feel like this when you do this.” And yes, there really is a difference in those statements. The insecurities you have, be honest and real with your partner regarding them. If there is anyone that should be allowed in your walls, it is your spouse. Be open in your communication. Be kind and patient. Compliment each other. Pray for each other.
Most importantly? You can be angry but don’t be cruel. If you’re angry though, take a step back. Even the nicest people have their limits. Know yours, respect your spouse’s. Take a breather. Remember, a strong marriage requires two people who choose to love each other even on those days when they struggle to like each other.
Another Spouse Who Gets It
The world is already a cruel, cruel world. We don’t need to be cruel to each other. Your spouse is your help mate. Your partner. Your confidant, lover, best friend. You chose to love and cherish each other. If God put you together why are you doing everything to tear each other apart? Maybe it’s time we stopped pointing the fingers as each other and started asking God to change us first.
Remember to build. Forgive the mistakes. Promise to fight. xoxo
Luga, sempre e pre sempre. Con tutto il mio cuore, la mia anima.