The last three months the struggle’s been real. I can sum it up to one thing or another but really it’s been an accumulation of everything. Life and work. Work and life. Everything is going right yet everything is going wrong. 

How do you crawl out of a hole you aren’t in?

How do you tread water that is only a foot deep?

How do you find the end of the maze when it only goes straight?

How do you find the pot at the end of the rainbow when there is no end?

How can you be so happy but your heart is so sad?

There is always a choice people say. And there is. But how hard is it to choose? Or how easy is it to see your choices?

With depression comes a lot of different feelings and emotions. Unfortunately the emotion that is represented in the below poem is one of them. Just like my dreams. Like the movie my life keeps to rerun through. I keep telling myself I need to get these in writing because then things will be better. I look for the better under every rock and corner. But what I’m really looking for is hope.

How do you go on?

I thought I could handle watching this horror movie of my own. Who was I kidding? I’ve never been able to watch an actual horror movie alone. What made me think I could watch my personal movie alone? I can’t. What I really need is someone to talk to. Instead of this silence.

The Dragon

Do you fear the dragon
That sleeps on the mountain top
The one the villagers scurry from
Whose fire cannot be stopped
He breathes out an inferno
Leaving destruction in its wake
The humans think he’s a danger
And want him burned upon a stake
But no one takes the time to see
He only seems burly out of need
His fire is but a smoke screen
He only wishes life to secede
He sits within his cave
Watching the world below him spin
Alone in the dampened darkness
Seeking forgiveness for past sins
He watches the children play
Mothers laying dishes near the sill
Fathers working to support the home
As he meanders alone uphill
The web of lies he’s spun
To protect his broken heart
Put fear in the world below him
With him they want no part
So he launches from the mountain
With a split second to choose
To open his wings, to soar or not
What does he have to lose?

The movie continues. When will it end?