I can’t believe it’s been four years. I made the decision to be a “blogger” four years ago. I think I’m still working on it. Learning how to write, connecting with the blogosphere, realizing I’ve always had a passion to write. You know all the fun stuff. The most important thing I’ve learned as I’ve ventured into the world refining life’s incredibly jagged edges is who I am, how far I’ve come, how far I’ve yet to go.

Lately my posts have felt forced when they’re open to the “world.” When they aren’t they seem to take a darker undertone. As I lay in my bed last night sick to my stomach fighting the onslaught of complete exhaustion I decided to take a stand. 

You see, I’m tired of letting fear control the outcome of my hour, day, week and life. I’m tired of only allowing God to seize control when things are good. I’m tired of the deep dark corners of my depression keeping me down. Someone told me from how little time we’ve known each other the one thing they see is how I am a fighter. Well it is time to fight. The right way. I’m tired of always trying to do it alone.

So here is what I’m doing: Revamping.

I’m starting with my blog. I’ve been making updates to my site throughout September and will continue the changes through the month. I’ve never had a schedule of when and what I blog. That’s going to change some. In an effort to keep steady, stay (or focus on) happy, and keep refining I’ve chosen to blog Sunday night/Monday morning, Wednesday night/Thursday morning and Saturday. Different days, different reasons, different fun. It’ll sorta be scheduled but there will probably be posts between them just because I’ve never been good and sticking to a mold.

I’ve decided this year to really focus on getting mentally better. These last two years there has been an influx of really dark posts. While they may have been honest and true I’m not changing the world with deep seated issues I’m unwilling to confront. And so, be prepared to see a little more light or at least a lot more face plants as I try to untangle my already clumsy feet.

I’ve been talking to my husband about this change and I think I’m ready. So without further adieu I’m taking the jump.

Welcome to year four lovelies. xoxo

PS So remember how I said I’m not good at staying in a mold? Well #realtalk. My body decided to be a sicko so my first actual year four blog will be sometime between tonight and Saturday.